BATTLE HYMN OF THE TIGER MOTHER by Amy Chua

 

I read this book only after seeing Ms. Chua being interviewed on two different occasions on NBC’s Today. The first interview was with Matt Lauer who asked questions about her daughters’ musical accomplishments and why she wrote the book. Not an interview that made me stop making the bed to listen.  Meredith Vieira on the other hand, demanded explanation as to why she called her own daughter garbage and quoted demeaning arguments between Amy and Lulu from the book. As a parent of teenagers, this is what got me interested. My sons have never given me back talk, we have great relationships, but I’m always wary of this possibility looming in the background.

Ms. Chua point-blankly describes Chinese parenting versus Western parenting in very basic principles. Chinese parents treat children as resilient beings; they are innately tough and will rebound stronger as a result of struggle. Western parents treat their children as fragile beings who must be protected from emotional damage.  Western parents tend to encourage children to try out new things and cheer them on. “You never know if you’ll like it unless you try it.” Chinese parents assign their children to do something, set the bar high, and expect outstanding achievement while the parent cracks the whip to make it happen. Second best is unacceptable. Western parents are proud of their children while Chinese parents credit themselves for their child’s accomplishments. A Western parent would never do that! Yea,right!

Although a lot of the story is written to sell the book, with long dialogues of nasty arguments and cameo appearances of the girls’ father that leaves the reader wondering why he allows this to go on, the summation is that the task of parenting is daunting and there is no one perfect way. Learning from Amy’s mistakes – which she admits - and strengths can give a parent a new direction when working with their own child.

Amy let Lulu have control of her own violin playing and allowed her to try tennis.  Now my son practices his piano more and will continue to take lessons through the sport season (from a teacher less than a mile away, not a weekly 5 hour travel commitment), where in the past we took “time off” from piano to play.

Compromise.

--Kristin